This and that

So did you ever have one of those days where you just had enough? Did that day last for weeks? You know sometimes it feels like everything goes your way and then there are those times where it feels like nothing goes your way....when those times stretch into weeks it's frustrating.

The good thing about it? I know I'm good enough - I know I'm smart enough - I know I'm strong enough that no matter how many things seem to be working against me it won't last forever, and none of them will beat me.

So - I get up in the morning and plug away through the day knowing that another day is going to come whether I stand strong or if I give up and quit....so why be the one giving up?

The best move

So spent an evening with the guys. Of course it was UFC night at the club so a few of us gathered at the club to watch the fights. I ate a burger that wasn't great - if I'm going to consume calories in those quantities it should at least be for great food, right? But the night wasn't about the burger or the calories I guess so it's all good.

After the fights we left the base and went to club Fahrenheit. It's a pretty nice little club for a hotel/conference center club. It was packed too. Not sure what takes people there, but it seems to be mostly locals looking for a place to hook up. Maybe that's really what the whole club thing is all about anyway - it's a boat I missed a long time ago that hook-up thing. Guess I'm just not a one-night stand sort of guy...Yes - I think there is value in your name, but it's more than that...more than knowing I've never woken up next to a girl whose name I didn't even know...Knowing that I never once have met a girl and "hooked-up" for just one night...and never hooked up on the first night at that.

It's interesting to watch those dynamics though. Watching the girls fiddling with their hair and the guys putting on their best face - certainly not their best clothes. It's interesting watching girls watching a guy just waiting for him to come talk to them. Funny when it's you they're watching and you never make the move they're waiting for - not because you're not into them but more because you're simply not playing the same game.

I've said before to those who know me I just don't get the game. I don't know the rules. I don't know the strategy and I'm really ok with that. I know that to meet someone you've got to eventually talk to them, but I just don't see myself ever actually meeting someone in those circumstances - not someone of value...and I like to value people even when 99% of the people I value put no value back in me....it's ok - I don't need to change for them.

Many guys, when they leave a club and head home alone feel rejected or at least like somehow they failed the game - at least this time. I'm ok heading home alone. I don't expect that I will always be heading home alone, or that I'll always be walking into a dark empty house...but I guess if I always do I'll be ok with that too. For now though I'm ok with me and the decisions I make. I think the best move is the one that doesn't make you compromise your values or prevent you from thinking good positive thoughts when you look into the mirror first thing in the morning. I value the guy in the mirror - even when it feels like only a handful of other people in the world value him. I'm gonna keep on being me - cause I think I'm ok.

Coffee

So I ran out of coffee at home so this morning I ran to Maverick to buy a cup. While I was there I did a very bad thing ... guess sometimes the impulsive side of me wins, so I went ahead and did it and figured I'd just have to make up for it later....forgiveness is easier than permission right? Anyway - I got the coffee and two krispy kreme donuts too...if I were on weight watchers that's nearly a day of eating with just those two donuts....

Anyway I got the coffee and put a lid on it. I noticed the hot coffee made the cup soft - softer than I have noticed before. I got to the truck and as I was getting in the cup collapsed just enough for the lid to pop off...all over my hand and my leg. Now - I have two issues. First I have coffee all over me and second the cup really wasn't strong enough to keep the lid secure once the hot coffee was in it.

Ok so I have three issues with it - I have coffee all over me and it's supposed to be hot coffee since I only just put it in the cup two minutes before....and the coffee DID NOT burn me at all....don't they make hot coffee anymore? I don't care what happened with McDonald's cause I like my coffee hot...and even though I spilled that coffee all over me it wouldn't have been a temperature problem I would have had, but rather a problem with a cup that got significantly softer with "hot" coffee in it...still if you spill coffee on yourself you had enough to do with it that you shouldn't be suing someone for the world to know you did it - just blog about it instead LOL...

Another weekend

Sometimes my thoughts seem so random and wandering that I wonder why I would even want to write them down, and don't ever wonder why someone wouldn't want to read them.

So last night was cooking club - smallest turnout since the first couple. It was good though - Caribbean Theme and I make a Tempeh...We always have good food and this one was no different - no matter how many people show up there's always more food than we can eat.

Today was beginning to be one of those nothing Saturday's. I got my butt up and took some pictures of some HUD homes to build some home tours. I need to get some real estate rolling. I'm tired of money - I'd like to live in a place where there is not money, or just have enough it's not a factor in anything I do.

Tonight I went to an indoor soccer game. Kyle was playing. I remember the first couple of times I saw him play - hard to believe I've been watching him for maybe 2 years now. He's 9 and so much better than he was. There is good and bad to being fearless, but he's in more control of himself physically now and he really is getting to be very good..hard to imagine saying he's more physically in control of himself and that he's 9 in the same sentence...He's very competitive and very confident and he's going to be very good at whatever he chooses for himself in this world.

Well - the bulls are on tv and I think a blanket is calling my name. Oh wait - I have to sort through some photos to make room on my hard drive for some music....Then I have to sort some photos for the home tours I'm going to build tomorrow - a couple of very nice homes and at least one not so nice one.

If you're reading this and need to buy or sell a home give me a call. I'd love to help you out.

Ok - more thoughts from today

Ever just want someone to want you? To make you feel like you're the only person in the whole world, or at the very least the only person in the world they want to be with, and not for just that moment...but to know that neither of you could even dream of being with someone else? Does that even exist anymore? I'm not really convinced. Was married 8 years and that didn't work out - was going to get married again and that didn't work out. I've been out a number of times with a number of different people and I was good enough for that moment, but it's also seemed pretty clear that whomever is filling the next moment, or even the same moment in another way or place, is just as good as long as someone is there...what about you? Do you want to be one of one, or one of many? One of many is cool in the right context, but wouldn't it be more cool to be one of one and the two of you be one in the on of many context? Well - you may be reading this and have that and for you I couldn't be more happy...been 11 years single and nearly 40 years alive and I'm still waiting.

semaJ

Ok - so the name of the blog is James spelled backward....oh well I'm sure you'll get over it.

I'm ornery a bit today. Apparently I think too much and care too much and neither of those go very well with the thought that I really just don't give a damn.

I'm still standing and I practically dare you to be the one to try and knock me down. Bring it cause I'm probably stronger - mentally, emotionally and physically - than you might think.

What a way to start a new blog huh? Oh well - just a place I'm going to write my thoughts for the day...if you don't like it don't read it.